if i was in the WWE…

i can only imagine what i would be like as a character in the WWE.

first off, i think i would probably not wear spandex. i don’t think it would help the ratings. i would likely wear comfortable pajamas. i don’t understand why we have the perfect clothing – flannel pajama pants – and we can’t wear them in public. in high school, i actually did wear pajamas all the time. seemed appropriate when i was going to be sleeping through most of my classes.

yes, i would wear pajamas. loose, free-flowing pajamas. i’d also wear a mask, because one of the rules in my family is “don’t embarrass the family”. my mask would probably be made of some kind of synthetic fabric. cotton is too loose. leather is too dead animal.

i think i would probably not rant at the top of my lungs. frankly, i don’t think my enemies are worth getting worked up over. really, they’re beneath me. i think i’ll just rhyme poetically about how “i’m going to body slam them, then have tea, crumpets and jam”.

wrestling is also too much of a hassle. if i have enemies, i don’t want to mess around. my special move would be a shotgun blast directly to their face.

call me a cheat, but i think it might be effective. then, if the commissioner doesn’t want me to wrestle anymore, i’ll just shoot him in the face with a shotgun, too.

“after i kill you with my shotgun, i’ll go out for tofu and dim sum.”

It might be hard to maintain a story arc if I keep killing my enemies, but zombie wrestling would be even more fun than regular wrestling.

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